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Learning Love

from Acoustic Love Letters by Geminelle

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about

"Learning Love" is a documentation of the many times I've fallen for deceptive "love".

lyrics

Learning Love

The first time I said I love you, I was 15 on the receiving end and was told, "when someone says I love you, it's rude not to say it back”.
So I returned the love and ended up in a situation that was not meant for me, trying to appeal to the girlfriend I was supposed to me, knowing that I was so much better than that to begin with.
The verbal abuse was what made me turn from it, a shattered soul trying to run from it, I justified my stupidity by labeling it “love” when I knew that that could not be what love was supposed to feel like.

The next time I said I love you, it was a puppy too small for it’s feet.
My first love, my only real love, we entered each other’s lives too soon, I remember being 17 and certain we would spend the rest of our lives together.
Unplanned, yet perfectly planned, his life took a different direction.
He tells me he’s a happy man, so I smile and close that chapter.

The next time I said I love you, I said I love you to lust.
A man who knew my vulnerability so much better than me
He taught me how to let someone get inside me, learn my thoughts, my wants, my spirit, and my body
But then he used it against me, pinned my insecurities against me,
I thought that he taught me how to trust but instead he taught me to forget my gut
I lost myself.
He lost me, because I lost myself.

And then I slipped and said I love you
To time, and a depiction of what on paper looked good, and the sex was so good, but we will never be on the same page
So history had you saying you love me, but who are we kidding?
I love you as a friend with damn good benefits, because in the meantime it fits,
But as long as this was, we still knew that it would be short-lived
So I’m finally giving this up, this was never real, love.

And then I meant it, and said I love you.
To my best friend, my soul mate, the ideal man.
Loved him overwhelmingly, a love that I had never known so we put a simple title on a relationship too complex to define
Because someone told us that we needed to put a title on it
Because boys and girls can’t just be friends, and it made me sad when we didn’t agree on us, or marriage, or our destiny
And yes we are destined to be, so please don’t leave when I don’t say I do because I still really love you, and I definitely need you

I’m learning that time defines the relationship, and I’ve just got to be patient
So the next time I say I love you, I’ll do it right.
I’ll say it when the timing feels good and we lock eyes,
When I’m sure that your soul and mind were built for us to intertwine
When our love is paired with progress in ourselves and as a people
When I look at you and see my counterpart and equal
So while I’ve learned so much in a past I thought was true,
I’ll know that it was all that I needed for me to rightfully love you.

credits

from Acoustic Love Letters, released February 17, 2014

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Geminelle San Diego, California

Singer, songwriter, musician from San Diego. Plays ukulele, guitar, cajon, and RC30.

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